I think I lost myself in the process of trying to find myself, and now I feel dead. Because the person I once was--never existed. It was a sheath of fabrication, these lies that made up who I was, everyone knew except I.
I tried to become someone better for all the wrong reasons. I should just remain the empty vessel that I was until someone comes by to pick me up and fill me with reasons of living, of dying, of loving.
An important man once said:
Put your hand on a stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with that special girl for an hour and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
If that is so, why would such a phenomenon be ephemeral, and if something is real--why shouldn't it be forever. and not just fade away.
Everything I feel fades away eventually, so maybe...just maybe I've never felt anything at all.
So.
Every summer I play three songs that always seem to ring perfectly for whatever I am doing or seeing or saying at the time.
Everrrrrytime.
Which can be creepy but I always take it as music perfection. Songs that never go out of style.
Cat Power- Bathysphere
Even though this is originally written by Bill Callahan, her voice is still just as haunting and can lead me to tears.
Devendra Banhart- The Body Breaks
Another song that is just intense as his beard.
Sonic Youth- Jams Run Free
I don't think this song necessarily is a favorite because I was once an angst-y riot grrl with nothing to lose but freedom; but it's simply just everything you can associate with this song somehow seems liberated & truthful all of a sudden.
