[yeah...that's essentially me during the holidays...holding a small dog in tacky metallic shirt with phone and angry expression. lol. i looooove dynasty handbag]
So I decided to 'cleanse' my laptop of old crap that's been in it for ages, documents of things once important to me, photos of people i never want to see, blog ideas that never were born, collages that were lack luster, and the ilk.
But low and behold I find an old old, very old, article piece form what seems to be holidays ago or shall I say non-holidays ago (we never celebrate christmas really) but I think it's from when I did spend a christmas at a friends house and it was all very strange and new to me and all I could think about was "get me the hell out of here, I kind of miss my judgmental folks"
hah. enjoy an excerpt from my life:
I found myself staring down at carelessly packaged presents, tacky candy cane print and metallic festive bows. As I look at the humble work I’ve committed, I came to a realization, none of the presents were for me.
No Christmas tree. No be-speckled lights, or decorations made in china worth 1/10 of the cost we bought it at, no spirit, no…. nothing. I became restless. Was this it? Have I came to a point in which I regret everything I have done or said. I mean, I’ve never looked forward to presents every year, seeing as how my parents never got me what I wanted, my mother made it her goal every year to give me things of no use to me, so ugly and cheap, that the gifts I made her in school had more value and artistic merit than the rusty metal comb and mirror one year, or the children’s designer knockoff bag from last year. My mother knows me well enough to not get these things, she knows better to get a gift card for Barney’s or H&M, something more ‘wendy’. But no, every year it’s the same generic holiday gift with no thought put into it- pajama set, perfume set, even the dreaded…’ I got you this huge ugly sweater from Sears’ gift. Nothing says “I don’t care about you, or care enough to get to know you better, so I got you this piece of shit shirt and skirt combo for 9.95 at KMART, fuck you”What pushes my buttons the most is that she and my father seem to put more effort (or money, shall I say) into other gifts, for far away cousins, or non-relatives. Anyways, I had a feeling it was more that just the gifts missing, it was family. As much as I love Carrie Bradshaw-ing it up every chance I get to wallow in my own grief in a face pack (just bought a new jar of mask of magnaminty at lush!) and a box of chow mein, it means just as much to me to see a few familiars… talking about how disappointed they are in me for dropping out of a college I can no longer afford because my parents disowned me for wanting to be a fashion designer and not another generic Pilipino nurse, for moving out with my boyfriend even though my parents kicked me out, for gaining a massive amount of weight then losing it because I no longer live with the two fatasses that conceived me in between light meals of McDonald’s and Chik-fil-a… Yeah, totally missing that…On a sidenote:I find myself making fun of pop art, but loving it, pop art is supposed to be fun anyways. What I recently have been obsessed with is sequins, big satin bows and frilly dresses. I’m in a girly phase lately… I’m over black, there is no recession ladies, let’s ring in the new year with fun easy beauty. I bought this gorgeous green cocktail dress that’s drape screams Balenciaga but metal splashed thick power shoulders say Balmain. I’m in love with it, I can barely contain myself. I top it off with a grey sequin shouldered cardigan and big grey satin bow on top of my head, to the side of course… feels very after-party ready.
I'm thinking it was written Pre-Fall 08 or on the dot with FALL 09....who caresssssss right? because that seems to be the attitude in this angsty prelude. I thought it was funny actually.
